Dear Son,
Happy First Birthday my sweet boy!
I’m rocking you to sleep as I write this, and I can’t help but selfishly wish this moment would last forever; that you never grow up and that you will always stay this little. I’m listening to your every breath. I’m waiting for the occasional long, deep, gentle sigh you take when you’ve finally given in and let your little body melt into mine. Then you rest your soft pillowy cheek on my shoulder and wrap your arms around my neck; giving me the best hug I’ve ever felt. Waiting for the moment when the house is quiet, and you are finally peaceful and calm. This is the moment when I finally get my chance to hold you close and shower you with kisses without you rushing off my lap to play with a toy or to torment the dogs. There’s nothing sweeter than moments like this.
I’m with you all day, and most days I count down the hours until bedtime because it is finally my chance to unwind from a long day. Though, as soon as I close your door behind me, I find myself missing you. So much, that I grab the monitor just so I can watch you sleep. As soon as I crawl in bed, I show daddy all of the adorable photos and videos we took that day.
We both gush over you and are blown away at how quickly you’re growing. We lay there, reminiscing about our favorite memories with you. Like the first time, you tried watermelon and the first time you rolled over. Or the time I made you laugh so hard you gave yourself the hiccups.
Thinking of my favorite things that you do, makes my heart smile. Like when you come up behind me and wrap your small arms around my legs. This usually happens when I am cooking or emptying the dishwasher. A time when I really need you out of my way, but I have to admit, I love the giant bear hug you give me. Although I try to complete the task at hand, I can’t help but break focus and live in the moment, so I can take advantage of those big bear hugs. Another favorite moment is when I lay you down on your changing table and you wrap your arms around mine. You bring me close to you giving me the biggest, tightest squeeze while you laugh uncontrollably. I’ve recently taught you to give kisses, and it is the sweetest thing ever. You are the happiest baby I’ve ever met; always smiling and laughing. You are pure joy to be around. Thank you for slowing me down and teaching me to appreciate these special moments with you.
You’re growing so so quickly. If I had a magical power, I think it would be to freeze time. I do my very best to always be present with you. I’ve always known life goes by quickly, but it really hit me once you were born. You used to be SO tiny. So small that you could fit right inside of daddy’s forearm and perfectly right in the middle of my chest. I could even kiss your feet while I fed you, that’s how tiny you were. My little frank breech baby!
I never knew what motherhood would be like for me, but it’s so much better than I could have ever imagined. I knew I wanted children, but I never spent a lot of time thinking about what my life would look like. Being your mom has been undeniably the best time of my life. I do miss having a career, but I love being home with you even more. I now know I can always pick that back up when the time is right for both of us. For now, I am soaking up every single precious moment I can have with you.
God gifted your father and I with the most precious gift we could have ever hoped for. He gifted us with you, Micah. You’ve changed me in so many ways and I am forever thankful for the lessons you’ve taught me. I have learned about, not only myself, but life as well in just these past twelve months. I pray that you always keep your fun and playful spirit, your determination and zest for life.
You are so still and peaceful right now. I could hold and watch you sleep for hours, but I know that’s not possible. I already know, even with you only being twelve months old, that I will need to become more comfortable letting you go and explore, just a LITTLE bit. I want you to discover the vast new world around you. As you grow older and become more independent, I want you to know that I’ll be there. Even though you are getting bigger and can no longer fit right on my chest. Although you take up most of my lap and you are starting to get too big to comfortably lay in my arms; I want you to know that my arms will never be too small for you. As you grow older and stronger, I will always be there to hold you, comfort you, and to remind you how brilliant you are when you’ve forgotten. I will always encourage you when you don’t believe in yourself. I will always push you when you feel like giving up. I will always remind you to smile if you’re ever feeling down.
I commit to giving you my very best son. Every single day. Even on days when I don’t feel up to it and I’m too tired; please know that I’ll give you my very best. My shoulder, my hugs, my kisses, and my arms will always be here to catch you and hold you close. Whenever you need it, and even when you don’t.
I see so much when I look into your eyes. Your eyes and your smile lights up a room, you are truly someone special. You may not believe this, but you literally came out of the womb smiling. As soon as the doctor placed you on my chest, and we took our first family photo, you had a big grin on your face. As soon as I saw you, I knew my life was forever changed. Thank you for making life so much sweeter.
You just woke up from your nap and are “nicely” crying for me to come and get you.
No worries little boy…mama’s coming.
Love,
Mom
